domesticity

[duke_of_illusions]

Al had stayed over last night... and hasn't quite left this morning, either. The day is stretching on, and Barma is still beautifully comfortable, now immersed in a book, as his fingers trail through Al's hair.

Comments

[al_truism]

"I like pain just as much," he decides, with a small smile. "I could do either. This is more vulnerable emotionally."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"This is a specific activity designed to alter your feelings, perceptions, etc. You'll probably feel high for a longer amount of time- and you may experience more of a drop off tomorrow."

Stroking up and down along his side.

[al_truism]

Something about that last bit makes him frown.

"... the drop offs... they're a thing for other people, too?"

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"...I didn't warn you about this?"

Frowning, instantly.

[al_truism]

"... no one has."

Softly. Obviously this is a big deal.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Al, I'm so sorry."

Stroking his hair.

"Sometimes, the morning after, your body can react with a sort of hangover-effect. For me, it manifests as a sort of teary-ness."

[al_truism]

"... so that's normal?" Al leans into his touch.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Yes. Another unfortunate side effect is that your mind will cast about for something to blame for what you're feeling. Self-doubt, recrimination, and frequently because of the timing a sense of self-disgust at what you've submitted to is normal."

He feels dreadful, heart aching as he tells him things he should have known months ago.

"It isn't real. It's your system coming down, and there are ways to make it go away."

[al_truism]

"Thank goodness," he whispers softly, nuzzling into his shoulder.

"I'd thought..." A deep breath. "This is much better."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"I'm an idiot for not having told you."

Soft, horrified.

"You were so- practiced. I assumed you must know."

[al_truism]

"It's not your fault."

Quick, firm. Al's arms slip around him, squeezing softly. "I never brought it up, I never asked anyone about it. Everyone I've been around probably assumed the same thing."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"I don't care about any of them. I'm entrusted with your welfare, when it comes to what we do together, and I should have made sure you understood."

Just as firm.

"But- for moving forward, the few things you should know. One, sugar. There's a reason I ply you with it."

[al_truism]

Al nuzzles him, nodding.

Honestly, he's more relieved than anything.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Two, aside from that, a full and balanced meal. Plenty of fruit, bread, and meat."

Nuzzling him back.

"Even if you drag on your way to the kitchen- or just drag your way to my room, I'll always feed you. It'll help a great deal. Third- your top, dominant, or even more vanilla sexual partner, if it is just brought about by exertion."

[al_truism]

Al nods again, warm and pressed close.

Just hearing all of this is a release.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"For the next- dozen or so times we play, I'm going to check on you in person the day afterwards. Either by having you stay over, or coming to find you."

Kissing him.

"And I'm going to kill Break."

[al_truism]

Al's utterly fine with that. He nods, leaning into the kiss, utterly relaxing with him. He'd protest that he's fine, but he'd genuinely enjoy getting to see him so often.

At the last, though, his fingers tighten a little on Barma.

"... Rufus, nobody's probably ever told him. Or Ryo, for that matter..."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"All right. I won't kill him."

But he is going to rip his face off, from the look of the set of his jaw.

"It's his job to protect you, too. He took your virginity. He still plays with Ryo routinely."

[al_truism]

"And I'll make sure both he and Ryo know," he promises, softly.

As ill-timed as it is, knowing that Rufus would be so protective of him is a good feeling, too.

"It's an honest mistake, with no permanent harm to me. I'm more worried about them, to be honest."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"All right. I trust your judgement."

Even if he doesn't look happy, at the moment. But he kisses Al's forehead, and seems to calm a little.

[al_truism]

"Thank you," Al whispers back, stroking Barma's hair slowly and relaxing in his arms.

"Thank you so much."

His eyes are closed.

"I really needed to hear this. Thank you."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"I can't believe I didn't tell you."

Soft, still so frustrated with himself.

"You- were hurting so needlessly."

[al_truism]

"And you had no way of knowing it."

Quiet, but firm.

"I've managed to hide much worse from my own brother." He hesitates, sighs. "... it may be a family trait, come to think of it."

Al strokes Barma's hair. "The point is that I was also deliberately hiding those feelings from you as well. ... I won't be doing that anymore."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Yes. I want to help you work on skills that'll let you bring these things up on your own."

Touching his cheek and throat, softly.

"It sounds hard for you."

[al_truism]

"Yeah. I want to help everyone I know work on those particular skills." A small smile.

He gratefully leans into the touches, craving them.

"It... is difficult, bringing up painful things. I hate the feeling of having to rely on someone, even if I'm always asking others to rely on me. I guess it's a feeling of being weak, somehow... you always want to believe you can manage on your own."