aftercare

[duke_of_illusions]

Barma wakes up an hour or so later, yawning.

Reaching to check on Al right away.

Comments

[al_truism]

Al's still caught between sleep and waking. He's gone to get the candies and has one in his mouth now, but can't seem to muster the interest for it.

It's quiet and the silence seems to roar -- he'd thought that he would finish the sugar and then wake Barma, so the touch makes him flinch and jump.

[duke_of_illusions]

"Hello, Al."

Kissing the nape of his neck.

[al_truism]

Al's eyes flutter closed and he takes an unsteady breath.

"Ru-"

[duke_of_illusions]

"Tell me what you're feeling."

He instructs.

[al_truism]

"Like I want to hide."

Whispering.

"Kind of pathetic and not wanting you to see it."

[duke_of_illusions]

"I'm so very proud of you."

Whispering back, leaning down to lick those cuts he made earlier.

[al_truism]

Al reacts very little, but shuts his eyes against the threat of tears.

"Why?"

Softly. Almost needy, like he has to know.

[duke_of_illusions]

"Because you very graciously let me into your heart."

He murmurs.

"The deepest parts of it, without fear."

[al_truism]

Al's mind swims a bit. Very little is rational right now, and he struggles to find those parts of himself.

"I liked that. I like being terrified. Part of me was sure you were going to almost kill me, and I liked it."

[duke_of_illusions]

"That's right."

Holding him tight, kissing his forehead.

[al_truism]

"I don't understand," he whispers, and laughs, burying his face into Barma's shoulder.

[duke_of_illusions]

"What's not to understand? I terrified you, for our mutual pleasure."

Hand stroking down his back.

[al_truism]

"It's always been mixed with sex, and that ultimately wasn't."

It's like they've crossed a bridge, making Al realize that maybe he just likes the kink.

[duke_of_illusions]

"You mean this is the first time you've been scared without being fucked?"

He clarifies, stroking his hair.

[al_truism]

"Where the fear was play," he clarifies.

[duke_of_illusions]

"Yes."

He agrees.

"But it's like any sort of unpleasant experience. Survive, experience, control."

[al_truism]

Al looks up at him, searching for more explanation.

[duke_of_illusions]

"Triumph. Feel."

Kissing his forehead.

"And now here you are."

[al_truism]

"... I focus a lot on the sex," he murmurs, relaxing.

"It's like it's... permission to enjoy everything else."

[duke_of_illusions]

"That's ultimately very limiting, in terms of pain."

He explains.

"Your body stops being able to be aroused, at a certain point of fear, at a certain point of agony."

[al_truism]

"I'm learning that," he whispers back.

It's freeing, in a way.

[duke_of_illusions]

"It isn't wrong to go past that point."

Stroking his thumb over his bottom lip.

[al_truism]

Al kisses the pad of his thumb, feeling utterly drained.

"Tell me pretty things?" he whispers, hazy but needing. "Good things, about the world, about you and me-"

[duke_of_illusions]

"I had a dream about the world we'll end up in."

He murmurs.

"You, and Negi, and me minding your children now and again. All reading together on the couch."

[al_truism]

"How many of them?"

Happy and dreaming, nibbling at Barma's thumb.