domesticity

[duke_of_illusions]

Al had stayed over last night... and hasn't quite left this morning, either. The day is stretching on, and Barma is still beautifully comfortable, now immersed in a book, as his fingers trail through Al's hair.

Comments

[al_truism]

"Nothing I can think of right now," he reassures him, leaning in to brush soft kisses over his cheeks.

"If I think of anything, I'll come right to you and ask."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Do you get the same feelings after you've topped?"

Curious.

[al_truism]

"Not as often," he confesses. "But if it's really intense, yes- or if I happened to come close to hurting someone. Or if I did."

Quietly.

"I cut Xerxes up one time. I wasn't in my right mind. He enjoyed it, but- I was cruel. The same thing happened with Ryo, but he was able to safeword and bring me out of it."

Al shakes his head.

"It's those times... when I realize I could be dangerous to someone I love. That's when it happens."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"It's about that altered state."

He explains.

"Talk to your partner."

[al_truism]

A deep breath, and then he lets it out.

He never got a chance, with Break. He'd completely shut out that horror, never really dealt with the guilt.

Finally he nods.

"Do you ever get that?"

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"I do. As you said, mostly after a scene with mixed results."

[al_truism]

"... I just shut down."

He sighs. "I get numb and I withdraw, and lose track of time. I don't get teary unless I talk to someone."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Will you stay the night?"

He offers, quietly.

"Tonight, I mean."

[al_truism]

"Please."

A little smile.

"I want to be here for you, too."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Good."

He's going to need to keep close to him for a while, after this.

[al_truism]

Al reaches out to stroke his hair, fingers trailing down the side of his neck, comforting.

"It's not your fault," he whispers, lips brushing his ear. "And not for a moment do I blame you."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Neither was what happened to you."

He reminds him.

"With Ryo, with Break."

[al_truism]

He nods, sighing.

"I worry for them. All this time..."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"I get the impression that Break also bottoms fairly heavily?"

Curious.

[al_truism]

"Much heavier than I do. Not as bad as Ryo, but enough to make me very cautious about playing with him, with my lack of skill."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Then there's no excuse for him not to know about this."

Firm.

[al_truism]

Al nods just as firmly back, setting his jaw.

"I need to tell Lucifer too. He may know, but he also might not."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"He'd know- but perhaps you should ask him how it affects Break."

He shrugs.

"It'll give you insight into him, and force Lucifer to consider it himself."

[al_truism]

He nods, rubbing his cheek against Barma's.

"If it's about Break, he'll definitely consider it."

Al underestimates how much Lucifer actually does listen to him.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"I have very little insight into the workings of that particular relationship."

[al_truism]

Al shakes his head.

"The more I think I understand it, the less I realize I do. Lucifer is... I don't have feelings for him myself, but they both include me enough to make it confusing."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Please be careful."

Firm.

"Absolutely."

[al_truism]

"I will be," he promises, with a soft sigh.

"I've got to be able to come home to you."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Thank you."

He says, quietly, but with real feeling. People haven't, in the past.

[al_truism]

Al strokes his hair slowly, thoughtfully, and brushes his lips against his forehead.

He knows.