Al had stayed over last night... and hasn't quite left this morning, either. The day is stretching on, and Barma is still beautifully comfortable, now immersed in a book, as his fingers trail through Al's hair.
"Not as often," he confesses. "But if it's really intense, yes- or if I happened to come close to hurting someone. Or if I did."
Quietly.
"I cut Xerxes up one time. I wasn't in my right mind. He enjoyed it, but- I was cruel. The same thing happened with Ryo, but he was able to safeword and bring me out of it."
Al shakes his head.
"It's those times... when I realize I could be dangerous to someone I love. That's when it happens."
"The more I think I understand it, the less I realize I do. Lucifer is... I don't have feelings for him myself, but they both include me enough to make it confusing."
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Date: 2011-11-05 06:11 pm (UTC)"If I think of anything, I'll come right to you and ask."
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Date: 2011-11-05 06:12 pm (UTC)Curious.
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Date: 2011-11-05 06:37 pm (UTC)Quietly.
"I cut Xerxes up one time. I wasn't in my right mind. He enjoyed it, but- I was cruel. The same thing happened with Ryo, but he was able to safeword and bring me out of it."
Al shakes his head.
"It's those times... when I realize I could be dangerous to someone I love. That's when it happens."
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Date: 2011-11-05 06:38 pm (UTC)He explains.
"Talk to your partner."
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Date: 2011-11-05 06:41 pm (UTC)He never got a chance, with Break. He'd completely shut out that horror, never really dealt with the guilt.
Finally he nods.
"Do you ever get that?"
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Date: 2011-11-05 06:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-05 06:47 pm (UTC)He sighs. "I get numb and I withdraw, and lose track of time. I don't get teary unless I talk to someone."
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Date: 2011-11-05 06:48 pm (UTC)He offers, quietly.
"Tonight, I mean."
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Date: 2011-11-05 06:50 pm (UTC)A little smile.
"I want to be here for you, too."
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Date: 2011-11-05 06:51 pm (UTC)He's going to need to keep close to him for a while, after this.
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Date: 2011-11-05 06:53 pm (UTC)"It's not your fault," he whispers, lips brushing his ear. "And not for a moment do I blame you."
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Date: 2011-11-05 06:55 pm (UTC)He reminds him.
"With Ryo, with Break."
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Date: 2011-11-06 03:31 am (UTC)"I worry for them. All this time..."
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Date: 2011-11-06 07:16 pm (UTC)Curious.
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Date: 2011-11-06 07:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 07:31 pm (UTC)Firm.
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Date: 2011-11-06 07:35 pm (UTC)"I need to tell Lucifer too. He may know, but he also might not."
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Date: 2011-11-06 07:37 pm (UTC)He shrugs.
"It'll give you insight into him, and force Lucifer to consider it himself."
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Date: 2011-11-06 07:39 pm (UTC)"If it's about Break, he'll definitely consider it."
Al underestimates how much Lucifer actually does listen to him.
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Date: 2011-11-06 07:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-06 07:43 pm (UTC)"The more I think I understand it, the less I realize I do. Lucifer is... I don't have feelings for him myself, but they both include me enough to make it confusing."
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Date: 2011-11-06 07:46 pm (UTC)Firm.
"Absolutely."
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Date: 2011-11-06 07:51 pm (UTC)"I've got to be able to come home to you."
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Date: 2011-11-06 07:53 pm (UTC)He says, quietly, but with real feeling. People haven't, in the past.
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Date: 2011-11-06 07:55 pm (UTC)He knows.
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