domesticity

[duke_of_illusions]

Al had stayed over last night... and hasn't quite left this morning, either. The day is stretching on, and Barma is still beautifully comfortable, now immersed in a book, as his fingers trail through Al's hair.

Comments

[al_truism]

Al has to smile, aching.

"I'll do that," he promises, with a deep sigh. "But knowing him, he'll still worry about it terribly. He's very sensitive when it comes to pain, especially if he believes he's at fault."

That blind love for him comes through in Al's voice.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

Barma sighs, still not content with the whole thing, but no longer about to snap.

"Is there anything else you've wondered about?"

[al_truism]

"Nothing I can think of right now," he reassures him, leaning in to brush soft kisses over his cheeks.

"If I think of anything, I'll come right to you and ask."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Do you get the same feelings after you've topped?"

Curious.

[al_truism]

"Not as often," he confesses. "But if it's really intense, yes- or if I happened to come close to hurting someone. Or if I did."

Quietly.

"I cut Xerxes up one time. I wasn't in my right mind. He enjoyed it, but- I was cruel. The same thing happened with Ryo, but he was able to safeword and bring me out of it."

Al shakes his head.

"It's those times... when I realize I could be dangerous to someone I love. That's when it happens."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"It's about that altered state."

He explains.

"Talk to your partner."

[al_truism]

A deep breath, and then he lets it out.

He never got a chance, with Break. He'd completely shut out that horror, never really dealt with the guilt.

Finally he nods.

"Do you ever get that?"

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"I do. As you said, mostly after a scene with mixed results."

[al_truism]

"... I just shut down."

He sighs. "I get numb and I withdraw, and lose track of time. I don't get teary unless I talk to someone."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Will you stay the night?"

He offers, quietly.

"Tonight, I mean."

[al_truism]

"Please."

A little smile.

"I want to be here for you, too."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Good."

He's going to need to keep close to him for a while, after this.

[al_truism]

Al reaches out to stroke his hair, fingers trailing down the side of his neck, comforting.

"It's not your fault," he whispers, lips brushing his ear. "And not for a moment do I blame you."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Neither was what happened to you."

He reminds him.

"With Ryo, with Break."

[al_truism]

He nods, sighing.

"I worry for them. All this time..."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"I get the impression that Break also bottoms fairly heavily?"

Curious.

[al_truism]

"Much heavier than I do. Not as bad as Ryo, but enough to make me very cautious about playing with him, with my lack of skill."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Then there's no excuse for him not to know about this."

Firm.

[al_truism]

Al nods just as firmly back, setting his jaw.

"I need to tell Lucifer too. He may know, but he also might not."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"He'd know- but perhaps you should ask him how it affects Break."

He shrugs.

"It'll give you insight into him, and force Lucifer to consider it himself."

[al_truism]

He nods, rubbing his cheek against Barma's.

"If it's about Break, he'll definitely consider it."

Al underestimates how much Lucifer actually does listen to him.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"I have very little insight into the workings of that particular relationship."

[al_truism]

Al shakes his head.

"The more I think I understand it, the less I realize I do. Lucifer is... I don't have feelings for him myself, but they both include me enough to make it confusing."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Please be careful."

Firm.

"Absolutely."

[al_truism]

"I will be," he promises, with a soft sigh.

"I've got to be able to come home to you."