domesticity

[duke_of_illusions]

Al had stayed over last night... and hasn't quite left this morning, either. The day is stretching on, and Barma is still beautifully comfortable, now immersed in a book, as his fingers trail through Al's hair.

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[al_truism]

The pull has him squirming a little, cheeks flushing.

"That's too slowly," he complains softly of the book, though his level of experience may have something to do with it.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Hush, it's for a first time with a new partner."

He laughs.

"Little pain slut. 'Move behind them and work up the backs of their thighs to their buttocks. Finish with three moderately sharp strokes against the lower half of their buttocks.

Stop the whipping. Press the front of your body against theirs and hug them. Let them rest their head on your shoulder. Hold them. Give them two squeezes and notice their reaction. Let there be a long moment of silence as you soothe their body.

Understand that being whipped, even if done utterly painlessly, often deeply touches the submissive's mind. They may tremble. Hold them. Soothe them. Tell them they did well and that you're pleased with them. If appropriate, kiss them and caress their breasts and genitals. They've earned a little pleasure, if only for being so brave. This might be enough for a very first whipping. Remember, even if it was ludicrously light in terms of the physical pain involved, it may have been a deeply emotional experience for them, and for you.'"

[al_truism]

Al goes a bit more quiet. If this had been how he'd been introduced to it, how different would his tastes be?

He nuzzles against Barma's hand, however he can reach.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

He smiles.

"We should try it one day. Hurting you without really hurting you. Letting you just feel warm and bright."

[al_truism]

"I might come undone," he admits, quietly. Being that vulnerable will do it.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"The last chapter is general advice and sayings."

He flips to that.

"Some of them are invaluable. 'You almost never get into serious trouble by going too slowly.

If you want to know what they're into, watch their eyes. They can't fake the eyes.

Think with your head.

How someone will react to erotic bondage is one thing. How they will react to erotic submission is a second, seperate reaction. How they will react to erotic pain is a third."

[al_truism]

"This is very good," he murmurs, and he will be sure to remember them all. It sounds like common sense, but to have it spelled out clearly is helpful.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"If it's going to go bad, it usually goes bad in isolation.

It's much more important that a first session not end badly than it end really, really well.

The main characteristic of a top-quality dominant is trustworthiness.

There's nothing 'only' about being a bottom, particularly about being a good bottom.

SM can play with primordial fears such as helplessness in the face of something powerful."

[al_truism]

"Is there anything about being a bottom in there?" Al settles, curious.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Very little. The author is a top- but I'll find you something on it next time."

Thumbing through again.

"He does have interesting perspectives on SM versus abuse. Warning signals. Cautions about who to avoid playing with;

'If you are considering taking the submissive role, understand that SM (just like kitchen knives and the family car) has strong abuse potential. Also understand that the person with the greatest ability to prevent your beang abused, perhaps even- God forbid!- murdered, is you. One major way you prevent this is by being very cautious about who ties you up, and under what circumstances, and how.

Once you're bound, you're at that other person's mercy. If they're crazy, drunk, stoned, a psychopath, or enraged, your life is in danger. Never let yourself be tied up if you don't feel absolutely safe. Never make exceptions.'

Honestly, I approve of the common sense behind the statement, but I find it a little problematic. You're well within your right to expect not to be murdered, it should be a community value to try to weed out unsafe players."

[al_truism]

Al nods, looking distant and worried.

"... I've let this happen. It ended well, but it would have been so easy for it to have ended with me hurt."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"That isn't your fault."

Kissing the top of his head.

"But nor is it something I'd recommend. I like you whole and happy."

[al_truism]

Al smiles, and settles close.

"How did you ever start out in this?"

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Unlike Break's humble beginnings as a kitchen boy over the knee of his cook, there's something of a culture of practitioners among the nobility. Particularly the ones belonging to my culture. Each month, I used to travel by carriage to a party where you could meet people with similar interests. Remember the dungeons and stages I was telling you about?"

He smiles.

"I happen to know that a close, mutual friend taught him his safewords, protocol, and safety concerns. Her education came from our circle. He means well with you, but he came to all this second hand."

[al_truism]

Al nods, thoughtfully, and touches Barma's lips. "You've always looked much younger in your illusions," he prompts, curiously.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"I'm your age."

He smiles.

"Not particularly subtle, I suppose- but I wanted to give you an image or two of a healthy approach to this sort of thing, by someone like you. Not to malign poor Ryo, of course, but I wouldn't have you following his example, and I wouldn't think seeing him would be a particularly reaffirming experience."

[al_truism]

"No, it wouldn't." A little sadly. He adores Ryo, but he figured out very early on that he isn't safe with this sort of thing.

"Were you actually my age when you did those things-?"

Thanks to Adstringendum, Al looks young even for eighteen.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"I started at seventeen. Which, when you're sixty seven, counts as 'your age,' wretch."

Swatting his ass.

[al_truism]

Al gasps, then laughs, sticking out his tongue.

"I'm trying to remember whether I'd had my birthday before I started with Break."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

Barma tugs him a little closer, shifting the book into one hand so he can wrap an arm about him.

"Any act in particular you're curious about hearing his take on? He has a few more gratifyingly graphic passages."

[al_truism]

Al leans happily into the touch, pressing his lips briefly against his neck.

"I'd like to hear them," he admits, a little breathy at the thought.

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

"Let's assume your submissive is face-up on a bed and that all prior negotiations are completed. With one hand, hold the clothespin near its free end. With the other, pinch a fold of skin and lift the skin away from the submissive's body. Gradually increas your pinch's pressure until it equals the clamp's pressure.

You should now be holding a small 'tent' of skin. Pinch open the clothespin and guide it over the skin.

Tell the submissive that the clamp probably will cause a sharp pain for the first thirty seconds it's on, and then the pain will subside.

Over a period of about five to ten seconds, gradually release pressure on the clothespin. When your hand is completely off the clothespin, gardually spread apart your pinching fingers, and then move the hand away. Don't bump anything, especially the clamp.

Let the submissive lie quietly for about a minute so they can get used to the sensation. Don't touch the clamp and don't distract them. You might rest your hand, without moving it, on their abdomen or thigh, but don't interfere with their adjusting to the clamp. This is an important moment for them. Don't mess it up.

Watch their breathing. If it stays tight, then the clamp might be too intense. If they relax and take a deep breath, you can probably continue."

[al_truism]

Al small shudder.

"I've never played with clothespins."

[info-barma.livejournal.com]

Barma just smiles at that. They'll change that soon.

"Also watch their overall degree of muscle tension or relaxation. It's normal for a submissive, especially a novice, to tense in expectation of receiving pain. What's important is how they react after the clothespin is on. If they remain tense, they're probably not aroused. If they relax, that's a good sign.

Important point; Remove the clamp if the submissive doesn't find it erotic. If they don't relax their muscles and begin breathing normally again after about a minute, you should probably remove the clamp even if they haven't asked for that.

If they do ask you to remove it, or call 'yellow' or give some other similar sign, take the clamp off at once. Afterward, don't criticize them. They may feel guilty. They may feel angry or turned off. Be understanding.

Remember, let them get used to this at their own pace. Don't rush them. If, after about a minute, the submissive relaxes and breathes normally, proceed with the session.

Another imporant thing to remember about clamps: they hurt coming off. This seems especially true of clamped nipples. As blood flows back into the freshly unclamped tissue and reexpands it, pain results.

For serious masochists, you can make a zipper by stringing several non-toothed clamps along a cord, tying knots on each side of the clamp to hold its position, the clamps are placed along the skin and yanked off with a pull on the end of the cord. Try this yourself before you do it to anyone else; it's pretty intense-

He's talking about much lighter masochists than you, you'd handle a zipper just fine."

[al_truism]

Another, harder shudder and a nod.

"Mmmgh. Yes, I'd love that."