aftercare

[duke_of_illusions]

Barma wakes up an hour or so later, yawning.

Reaching to check on Al right away.

Comments

[al_truism]

Al reacts very little, but shuts his eyes against the threat of tears.

"Why?"

Softly. Almost needy, like he has to know.

[duke_of_illusions]

"Because you very graciously let me into your heart."

He murmurs.

"The deepest parts of it, without fear."

[al_truism]

Al's mind swims a bit. Very little is rational right now, and he struggles to find those parts of himself.

"I liked that. I like being terrified. Part of me was sure you were going to almost kill me, and I liked it."

[duke_of_illusions]

"That's right."

Holding him tight, kissing his forehead.

[al_truism]

"I don't understand," he whispers, and laughs, burying his face into Barma's shoulder.

[duke_of_illusions]

"What's not to understand? I terrified you, for our mutual pleasure."

Hand stroking down his back.

[al_truism]

"It's always been mixed with sex, and that ultimately wasn't."

It's like they've crossed a bridge, making Al realize that maybe he just likes the kink.

[duke_of_illusions]

"You mean this is the first time you've been scared without being fucked?"

He clarifies, stroking his hair.

[al_truism]

"Where the fear was play," he clarifies.

[duke_of_illusions]

"Yes."

He agrees.

"But it's like any sort of unpleasant experience. Survive, experience, control."

[al_truism]

Al looks up at him, searching for more explanation.

[duke_of_illusions]

"Triumph. Feel."

Kissing his forehead.

"And now here you are."

[al_truism]

"... I focus a lot on the sex," he murmurs, relaxing.

"It's like it's... permission to enjoy everything else."

[duke_of_illusions]

"That's ultimately very limiting, in terms of pain."

He explains.

"Your body stops being able to be aroused, at a certain point of fear, at a certain point of agony."

[al_truism]

"I'm learning that," he whispers back.

It's freeing, in a way.

[duke_of_illusions]

"It isn't wrong to go past that point."

Stroking his thumb over his bottom lip.

[al_truism]

Al kisses the pad of his thumb, feeling utterly drained.

"Tell me pretty things?" he whispers, hazy but needing. "Good things, about the world, about you and me-"

[duke_of_illusions]

"I had a dream about the world we'll end up in."

He murmurs.

"You, and Negi, and me minding your children now and again. All reading together on the couch."

[al_truism]

"How many of them?"

Happy and dreaming, nibbling at Barma's thumb.

[duke_of_illusions]

"Two. A boy and a girl."

Smiling.

[al_truism]

Al's eyes are mostly shut, relaxing.

"Were they good?"

[duke_of_illusions]

"They were loud."

Teasing, nuzzling him.

[al_truism]

"Are you sure you aren't seeing Ed's kids?"

Al giggles, threading his fingers into Barma's hair.

[duke_of_illusions]

"No, they were yours."

Giving him a slow kiss.

[al_truism]

Al melts a little.

"You'll spoil them, I'm sure."